It's a common mistake guys make while trying to get their ex girlfriend back. They settle for what they can get, only not to lose contact, and suddenly find themselves as the guy she cries to when her date goes wrong. How to avoid being a boy-friend to your ex girlfriend and get your role as her boyfriend back?
First thing you'll just have to do is to avoid contacting your ex girlfriend within the first month of brake up. This advice seems contradictory, but in fact it's the best thing you can do to attract her back. If you insist on contacting her, when she said she has no interest in being with you at this time, you're only playing the friend role. And even if you two act as friends in the beginning, eventually she'll get used to it. She'll find the not-kissing and not having sex behavior as the one that is natural and she won't miss it any more.
If on the other hand you see her for the first time after a month and do something that will remind her of the two of you as the couple, you're on the right track. If you wonder on how to do this, it' s not that hard. Do something only couples do, only the two of you did. It might be a just a small gesture but if it's intimate enough, she'll get that feeling back. Small gesture or a gentle touch two of you only shared. Pull away immediately. No matter how she responds, do it that one time only. It will be that much more powerful. Don't let her get used to it or even bored by it. It's your secret weapon, use it wisely.
Next, don't show any interest in her dating life. Even if she is seeing another guy now and you're just dying to find out a about him, don't act as her girlfriend. Be very firm about it. Don't tell her you're happy for her if you're not (and you are obviously not if you're trying to get her back) also tell her if that's all she wants to talk about, she's better off seeing her girlfriends then you.
You may even tell her that you're not sharing your dating life with her, so you would appreciate her doing the same. This is very powerful. First off you're setting the frame of your future relationship by showing her you have no interest in being her friend. And second you're letting her know that there is something going on in your dating life too.
Also avoid doing her any favors that require you going out of your way for her. I know that you'd use any opportunity to be in her company again but restrain your self. She won't find you more attractive if you come running any time she calls and she will even get the message your time is not as important as hers. Tell her you're sorry, but you two are not together any more and you can't do it. If she gets mad just ask her about how would she feel if her new boyfriend's ex calls him and he goes running off to her. This is also a tactic that makes her wonder if you already have a new girlfriend or are seeing someone.
Only accept invitations form your ex that guarantee you to have fun at least as much as her. What does that mean? It mean that you both get a good deal when hanging out together. You listening to her talk about her new boyfriend or problems with him is not that. Neither is you fixing stuff around her place while she's getting dressed to go out. Neither is you two hanging out together for a month without any sign of a possibility to get back together. Do you see where I'm getting here?
On the other hand, going out for dinner, cup of coffee or a movie is a good deal for both (except if she insist on the places and movies you don't like).
If you two are broken up, don't try to become her personal assistant or her shrink. It won't get you back together. You didn't pick her up by being her personal assistant or shrink. You picked her up cause you were having a lot of fun. And she wanted to be around you because of who you are. You need to get back to that point if you really want your ex back.
Now that you know how to avoid the dreaded "friends zone", find out how to get her back for good.
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